Wednesday, November 23, 2011

We give thanks

My nostrils filled with the wonderful smell of roasting turkey, my eyes though were caught by my mother's glare. I had arrived late to my mother's house and found that indeed I was the last person to get there. Luckily though I did not miss any of the meal and was able to finally sit down with the family.

My father spoke grace and we all went around the table to state what we are thankful for. As usual most of the answers had to do with loving family or a job, all that corny stuff. When it was finally my turn, all I could come up with was that I was thankful for the girl I had romped with the night prior. Not one person spoke after I finished, and I felt a little weird with everyone staring at me with their mouths open. Finally, my sister broke the silence with her thanks and we started dinner.

I ate so much food I thought that I was going to burst at the seems. I think I polished off one whole turkey all on my own, plus potatoes and stuffing. Of course i would not go unpunished for indulging that much, as I had the worst indigestion for an hour after the meal was over. During which time all I could do was sip some milk and pepto bismal. Once my body finally found the time to catch up on its digestion it went away, but I was assaulted with the usual sleepiness that comes from eating turkey.

It didn't take me five minutes before my eyes were drifting downward that I had passed out. It felt like I had slept for quite some time when I was awoken by the sound of the fire alarm. I immediately jumped out of the chair to look for the smoke and what was going on. My eyes began to water as I found the source of the smoke. I could feel the heat coming off the stove where it looked that a pan or cloth was on fire, the flames reaching higher until they licked the ceiling and were about to spread.

Instinct took over as I ran to the extinguisher and started to spray the flames until finally I had put the fire out. "Why didn't anyone else see this?" I asked of my family, but no one answered me. It was strange that no one would be there, but maybe they had left him. I opened the window to finally let in some fresh air and to vent the smoke from the room. It was cool on my face and cleared my vision. A sound from behind me caught my ears and I looked to see who it was.

What I did see though was not what I was expecting. There, not ten feet in front of me was the turkey we had all eaten for dinner. It was missing all of its meat and was just a skeleton being held together with little bits of fat. In one "hand" it held a large fork and the other had a carving knife. This knife scared the shit out of me, which looked both menacing and amusing in a turkey's hand. Blood dripped down it and onto the floor.

I made a move to the left, but it followed me. I moved to the right, but again it was with me. Seeing as how this bird was between me and the exit, i was not going to play this game anymore. I feinted to the left, drawing it that way then dodged to the right. I was lucky that it fell for it and I was around it before it was able to correct itself.

I ran for the door, hoping that I was going to get out of this place. Behind me I could hear the sound of the turkey running along as well. A quick glance back and I nearly crapped my pants. It was coming at me so fast that if I didn't concentrate I would never make it out alive. Unfortunately I was not looking and I found myself flying through the air as I tripped over something. It only took  a quick look for me to recognize the body of my uncle.

I hit the ground hard, knocking the breath from my lungs. As I gasped for air the turkey leaped onto my chest. With a last ditch effort I put my arms up, trying to block and parry any attack that it may do. I felt pressure on my arms and it felt like I was going to die from the pain.

"Hey, wake up!" The voice was yelled into my face. I opened my eyes and saw my cousins gripping my arms tightly, trying to shake me awake. "You fell asleep, and you were screaming." It must have been a dream after all.

"Oh thank god." I said. "I am really so thankful for you, and really all of you. I just want to apologize for the way I have been acting." With that I hugged my cousins, truly thankful that things were not too bad. Everyone seemed glad that I had snapped out of it and was now being a part of the family. With all the holiday cheer though, nobody noticed the turkey reach over and grab the carving knife.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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